so... David and I have a new blog.

www.xanga.com/craftdawg

visit us there to see whats up in Starkville, MS!

so i never really post on here anymore... cus things are so busy.. i hardly have time to check my email. i was thinking about something the other day...

do celebrities honestly think that if they fund something it is going to change the world? i mean i understand that is it all publicity and a lot of times they don't make the choice about what to support... But sorry, Tom, I'm not going to be a scientologist just because you are.. sorry, Dixie Chicks, that you couldn't get Kerry into the Whitehouse.. and very very sorry Brad, if you think that you can get Bush to back a project to "end aids and poverty" in 3rd world countries. Oh and Rosie? If everyone was homosexual, it would be rather difficult to reproduce. Hm, maybe thats because humans are designed heterosexually. Shocking! We can't even end poverty and aids it in our own country.. And things like that don't end. In case you haven't noticed, poverty has been around for ever and always will be BECAUSE 1) our country's biggest idols are money and entertainment (which always go hand in hand) and 2) the human race has a tendency to be self-centered, lazy, and will take the easy road when given the chance.

If you think that it is so hard to be poor in a 3rd world country, try being poor in the US. Take a walk downtown or through the projects and tell me it doesn't make you want to sign a petition.

In a picture perfect world...

ahhh rats I can't get pictures to work on here. dangit.

wellllllll this week has been a blast.. pssh. work. work work work. wow adulthood aint all its cracked up to be.

BUT 19 weeks and I'll be a married adult!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

anyone else freaking out?? cus i am FREAKING OOOOUT.

anyway. I'm ready to do this wedding thing and be married. Its really crazy to know you're gonna be on your honeymoon 4 months from today. reeeeally crazy.

at least i'll be tan. yessssssssssss.

well.. i figured i'd leave this post at nice and cheery instead of in your face like they usually are. thanks for the comments, ricardo, emily, all you other yungins. loveyas.

BTW MY LITTLE SISTER IS IN NY NY!!! I HATE HER! grr.

you better bring me something girl. i fed your guinea pig. a couple times. yeah. 

i hear a voice crying out from the bellies of their mammas "hold on for today don't worry bout tomorrow, though the rains of today seem to fall with sorrow, let me be and we'll see this life for tomorrow"

i hear a cry going out in the middle of the night- under the scatter of the stars from a voice cracked with fright and as the tears stripe cheeks from pain running south the taste of salt hits the corner of her mouth

resting on tied tongues with no breath left to speak, sick of throwing up with no bread left to eat.. tired and confused from disillusionment, sunny days turn to grey and away he went

ripping the hooks out your heart from the promises at dark, the words found their mark as the sheets came apart. every spoken word broken as he flipped you a token, kiss on the cheek as his feet found the open door.. whats in store for you he didn't question, shook his burden to the floor to leave you guessing about the future and what it will unfold. but you're still standing there so bold

i hear a voice crying out from the bellies of their mammas "hold on for today don't worry bout tomorrow, though the rains of today seem to fall with sorrow, let me be and we'll see this life for tomorrow"

holding on these songs of hope, i cannot sing them without you.. you can't just point a finger and say it's all right.. make a trip downtown and put it out of sight.. because two came together so strong one night and two wrongs don't make one right. giving a voice to the voiceless saying its choiceless 'cause they're priceless my princess.. i feel the kicks and the churns, give me a turn, and a shot at this world to fight the fight, to beat my plight and let me light shine in this dark time with all its ways of wearing crime.. and let this world drown in these ultrasounds. hearing this heart beat speaks sweet so profound, from beat down to higher ground, where hope abounds with love that astounds.. les miserables this aint no miserable daughter calling you cosette.. 'cause God will be your father

i hear a voice crying out from the bellies of their mammas "hold on for today don't worry bout tomorrow, though the rains of today seem to fall with sorrow, let me be and we'll see this life for tomorrow"

********

with all the talk of abortion i've been hearing lately.. and with the new babies at church and sweet little karsyn coming into the world.. this song has stirred in my head all week long. i just can't comprehend it.. God creates a miracle inside of you, you call it a mistake, God calls it murder and you call it making a choice. I have a friend who made a wrong decision a few years ago and instead of facing the consequences, she chose to kill the unborn child. she has regretted it every day since then.. she's sick, she's hurt, she's depressed and she can't look at a toddler without thinking she could have a sweet child to teach and to love.. without thinking that that sweet little baby may have felt like a mistake, but she would never know the great life that child could have grown to live. people have trouble putting their dogs to sleep but they will kill an unborn child without thinking twice about it. and how much more does the Father love his children than the sparrows and the lillies?? it angers me, it burdens my heart that these babies are voiceless and the parents hearts are hardened by a world that has no respect for the value of a life. it is so much better to bring a child into the world and let a barren woman care for it and love it than to not give it love at all. it is so much better to deny yourself the life you want because you made a mistake and raise a child you chose to conceive.. than to kill her before she has a chance to love you, to murder him before he can look at you with big blue baby eyes... and then live the rest of your life ashamed and depressed or bitter and hard-hearted.. If you ever consider an abortion, consider first that your mother could've chose to abort you. At least out of respect and honor for the woman who carried you in her womb for 9 months and faced the consequnces of the fall of man to give you LIFE, at least honor her with a second thought.. At least dream what your sweet baby could grow to be, who would love her when shes grown and put her little beating heart in God's hands. They do have hearts, you know. Beating ones. Just like you.  

I think its time to upgrade my xanga decor.

like, i should do this huge background of me and david. i mean, we're getting married, so i should be like, totally absorbed with the idea of "us" right?

wrong.

i am not consumed by my relationship with david. it does not own me, HE does not own me. he is just a form of joy that God has blessed me with, he compliments me, we go together, we're created to mold together... but we are not created FOR each other. God did not make David to worship me, to praise me, to love only me, to live for me or die for me. Nor am I created to adore him, to cherish him or to pursue him passionately. We are made to worship God. To do all that we do as though working for Him, and to stand together in our faith and support each other. That is what Christian companionship is about. "Do not be unequally yoked" doesn't just mean don't marry someone who isn't a Christian. It means don't let yourself get trapped in a life that drags you down. You know where you are supposed to be spiritually and emotionally as an adult.. And just finding someone older and "more experienced" doesn't mean they are mature.. Or doing right. You can find someone who fits YOUR ideals, YOUR design of the perfect mate, but if it isn't God's desire for you, who's is it? If your heart is wicked, and the desires of your heart are given you.. What have you got but wickedness? If you can't honestly say that God gave you the man you are with, ladies, then who did? The devil. The devil has the power to put things and people in your life that turn you in the exact oppisite direction of TRUTH. Read Job again and you'll understand. God knows he will win this battle, but he will allow the devil to tempt and turn those who don't have their eyes on Him. Can't you see where he is taking you? He is taking you into a life that you will regret, a life that you will never feel satisfied with.. A future that isn't what you really wanted.. If you can't stand up for yourself, you WILL be walked all over. It's that simple. If you have any doubts that he is faithful to you, then he probably isn't faithful to you. If you have to snoop in his computer, or phone, or room or whatever, then what are you expecting to find? You WANT to end it, you WANT to find something that will turn your heart off to him, because you know that the outlook is grim. If you feel like you are being used, you are. If you don't feel like he thinks you're wonderful.. HE DOESN'T.

Please, girls, I know so many of you who are settling for something less than what God intends for you. I know so many of you who feel like you have screwed up too much for God to ever give you a wonderful husband. I know you all better than that. "Create in me a clean heart, Oh God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me" What does that mean? It means I screwed up. It means "Ok God. I admit I have evil in my life. I admit I haven't stood my ground, I know I am not rooted in my faith. But God, mold me new, start me over fresh.. Make me pure, give me a new spirit, a new life. I don't want this old idea... I WANT YOU. All of me wants you.. Your mercies are new every morning, remind me that they are always good enough. You are always enough for me."  

This has burdened my heart for so long, and during worship this week and with valentines day and all, i just wanted to share my heart. It hurts me so bad to see people giving up God for a relationship with a man who is going to let them down over and over and over. I've seen that kind of destruction in my family and I know the pain it causes for generations to come. Every day I find some new hurt somewhere that is caused by one life settling for something less than God intended. Don't give up on what you want. There is someone perfect out there who will make you feel like you are the only woman in the world. And if the man you are with now isn't him... HE ISNT GOING TO CHANGE FOR YOU so please, PLEASE don't sell yourself short thinking things will get better later on. PRACTICE, my friends, makes PERMANENT. If he forsakes you now, he always will. If he treats you secondhand.. He always will. It may not be another woman later, but it will be something else. A job or a hobby.. Don't think you are strong enough to change a man. Don't think you're good enough to save him. Don't change your life for him either.. "If you do not stand firm in your faith, you will not stand at all".

I'm praying for you. I love you.